Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What fish make the best sandwich?
→ A peanut butter and jellyfish

Where do you go to meet the best fish?
→ It doesn't matter - any old plaice will do.

Where do fish come from?
→ Finland!

Why don't Polish people kill frogs?
→ Because it's their national bird.

What's big, grey and flies straight up?
→ An elecopter!

- Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?

- Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!

What did they do to the burger who thought he was a rooster?
→ Cook-a-doodle-do!

- Psychiatrist: What is your problem?

- Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

- Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

- Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

An old woman saved a Fairy's life. To repay this, the Fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes.

For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.

For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.

For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof! The Fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.

The old lady and the Fairy said their goodbyes.

After the Fairy left, the handsome man (old cat) strolled over to her and asked:

- Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?!!!

A woman walks into a veterinarian's waiting room dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit obviously does not want to be there.

- Sit, Fluffy! - she says.

Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.

- I said sit, now there's a good Fluffy - says the woman, slightly embarrassed.

Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and urinates. The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts:

- Darn it, Fluffy, will you be good?!

Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office. As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says:

- Please pardon me... I just washed my hare, and can't do a damn thing with it!