Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

If George Raft's wife gave birth to twin Gorillas, would they be the Apes of Raft?

What do dirty fish read?
→ Prawno Magazines!

What do you call a literary fish?
→ Salmon Rushdie!

What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
→ About 3,000 miles!

What do confused owls say?
→ Too-whit-to-why?

What did the rich socialite's parrot say?
→ Polly want a cracker, with cavier please!

A cowboy walks in to a bar and says:

- I want a beer.

So after he drank his beer he was about to leave then he noticed that his horse was gone.

He shouted:

- if i dont get my horse back after this beer i am gonna have to do what i did in Georgia.

So he finished his beer and he saw his horse was back so he got on and rode a little, then the bartender asked out the window what did you have in Georgia? i had to walk home.

When the Ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals.

- Listen up! - Noah said with a demanding voice.

- There will be NO SEX on this trip! All of you males take off your penis and hand it in to my sons. I will sit over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your penis back.

After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited.

- Quick! - he said. - Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!

Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window, and said:

- Sorry, no land yet.

- Darn it! - exclaimed Mr. Rabbit.

This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. Mrs. Rabbit asked:

- What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?

- LOOK! - said Mr. Rabbit with a sly expression, as he held out a piece of paper... - I GOT THE HORSE'S RECEIPT!!

Joe says to Bill:

- Want to see a picture of my Aunt?

Bill said:

- Sure.

So Joe takes out a picture.

Bill says:

- What are you talking about? Thats not your aunt! Thats a picture of a fish!

Joe says:

- Well sure it is... It's my aunt Chovy!

One day O'Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour.

- Paddy my friend - he said.

- I'm going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat.

- No problem - replied Paddy.

- You go an have a good time.

So the next day O'Leary left and headed for sunny Florida. However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy.

- Everything's ok over here - Paddy said.

- Except you're cat. It's dead!

- oly ell - replied O'Leary.

- You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy!

- What do you mean? - replied Paddy.

- Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree. The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down. On the third day you could tell me that the cat lost its grip and fell from the tree and had to be taken to the vets because of a broken leg. Then on the fourth day you could have told me that it died peacefully in the vet clinic - explained O'Leary.

So paddy apologised and another week went by, when one day O'Leary got another phone call, it was Paddy again.

- All right O'Leary - he said.

- Everything's ok here, except your ma - She's climbed the tree and refuses to come down!