Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

How does a Gorilla become another animal?
→ When a Mafia don hires a 'big Gorilla' to be his bodyguard and the big Ape goes to the cops and turns into a stool pigeon!

- Doctor, doctor! - said the panic-stricken woman.

- my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's swallowed a mouse! What shall I do?

- Quite simple - said the doctor calmly.

- You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband's mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite, haul it out.

- Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod's head.

- What do you want a cod's head for?

- Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to get the cat out first!

What do confused owls say?
→ Too-whit-to-why?

What profession did the parrot get into when it swallowed the clock?
→ Politics

The Roadrunner was feeling very amorous one day, and since there were no other female roadrunners around, he decided to look around.

He happened to spot a lovely dove. Bzzzzzz... down he goes and feathers are flying, lots of dust in the air and the dazed dove is lying there with a smile and says:

- I'm a dove and I've been loved!

The Roadrunner is still not satisfied. He spots a Lark flying around and zooms down on her. Again, feathers are flying around and dust is in the air and the dazed Lark is lying there and said:

- I'm a Lark and I've been sparked.

The Roadrunner is still not satisfied and spots a Duck. He zooms down and again feathers are flying and a lot of squawkings and dust flying in the air, and the roadrunner takes off.

The Duck is lying there really pissed off, and says:

- I'm a Drake and there's been a mistake!

What should a rabbit use to keep his fur neat?
→ A harebrush.

What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
→ Thistle have to do!

What do you do for a pig with sore muscles?
→ Rub him with oinkment.

What did the mama pig say to her bad little piglet?
→ Behave or Frankenswine will get you.

Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother's day?
What did they do?
→ They threw a sowprize party.