Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What happened when the shaggy dog swallowed a teaspoon?
→ He wasn't able to stir.

What happened to the dog that fell into a lens-grinding machine?
→ He made a spectacle of himself.

What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories?
→ A shaggy dogs tale!

How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?
→ He has a whale of a party!

Where do birds meet for coffee?
→ In a nest-cafe!

A man has a dog that snores in his sleep. Annoyed, because she can't sleep, his wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

A few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog's testicles, and sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him!

The woman sleeps very soundly.

The next morning, the husband wakes up very hung over.

He tumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates.

He is very confused, and, as he walks back into the bedroom, he notices a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.

He shakes his head, looks down at the dog and says:

- Boy, don't remember where we were or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place!

- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a python.

- Oh you can't get round me like that, you know.

What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?
→ A funny bunny

What do pigs do on nice afternoons?
→ They go on pignics.

- Does your dog know how how to surf the internet?

- No - but he's got a ruff idea.