Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
→ A carrot!

- Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage?

- Pupil: For a parrot to perch on, miss.

Why did the turkey cross the road?
→ To prove he wasn't chicken

What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
→ A firequaker!

- Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

- Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

- Stan: In the bathroom

- Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

- Stan: Blindfold them!

A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life.

The old man says:

- Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the sheep. It was a lot of fun!

The reporter figured he can't write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story.

The old man said:

- Well, one time my neighbor's wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the neighbor's wife. Now, THAT was a lot of fun!

The reporter, feeling frustrated, finally told the old man that he couldn't write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any dramatic or sad memories that he could talk about.

The old man paused a little and with a sad expression on his face said:

- Well, one time I was lost ...

Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake?
→ Someone else's!

What's that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head?
→ Didn't you tell me to put out a stop swine?

Two flies were on a cornflakes packet.

- Why are we running so fast? - asked one.

- Because - said the second - it says 'tear along the dotted line'!