Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why did the girl Gorilla, engaged to the invisible man, call off the wedding?
→ Because in the last analysis she just couldn't see it!

Why did the gum cross the road?
→ Because it was under the elephants foot.

Why did the bus stop?
→ Because it saw the zebra crossing.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
→ Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls (bagels, get it?).

Which birds steal soap from the bath?
→ Robber ducks!

Why do Walruses go to Tupperware parties?
→ To find a tight Seal.

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.

The man says:

- I'll have a beer - and turns to the ostrich.

- What's yours?

- I'll have a beer too - says the ostrich.

The bartender pours the beer and says:

- That will be $3.40 please - and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says:

- I'll have a beer - and the ostrich says:

- I'll have the same.

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.

- The usual? - asks the bartender.

- Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch - says the man.

- Same for me - says the ostrich.

- That will be $7.20 - says the bartender.

Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer:

- Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?

- Well, several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there. - says the man.

- That's brilliant! - says the bartender.

- Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!

- That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there - says the man.

- That's fantastic! - says the bartender.

- You are a genius! ... Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?

The man replies:

- Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs.

Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
→ They might be cheetahs!

Where does a woodsman keep his pigs?
→ In his hog cabin!

Do pigs like Backgammon?
→ No, they prefer their backs scratched.