Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Cat: What did you get him for his birthday?

- Dog: Pant . . . pant!

- Cat: Great . . . he needs a pair of pants!

What's the definition of a Polygamist?
→ A parrot with more than one wife!

What do you call a crazy chicken?
→ A cuckoo cluck!

A man walks into a Kansas bar with his golden retriever.

- Hey - says the bartender, No dogs allowed in the bar.

- Oh please? - begs the customer.

- You see, you're playing the Royals game, and my dog is a really big fan of the Royals.

- You're trying to tell me that this here dog is a BASEBALL FAN?! Both of you get out of my bar - says the bartender.

- No animals allowed, and YOU belong in a mental institution. Dogs don't like baseball!

Just then, the Royals get a hit. The dog goes wild. He jumps up on the bar and hops around in circles on his hind legs. Then he does the same on his front legs! The bartender is astounded.

- That is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! Who ever thought a DOG could like baseball?! I'm curious though....if he gets that excited when the Royals get a hit, what does he do when they get a home run?

- I don't know - confesses the owner, I've only had him for five years.

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please" so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill.

All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter.

The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!"

The panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?"

"Why yes," the barman answered. "Your a panda."

"Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar.

The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary.

After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:

PANDA:

1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.

Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
→ It has 4 rabbits' feet.

Why was the pig happy when reviewers criticized his story?
→ Because they called it garbage.

What do you call a pig with good table manners?
→ Sick.

What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?
→ Garbage collectors.

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?
→ A bud hound!