Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's got six legs and can fly long distances?
→ Three swallows!

What do baby pythons play with?
→ Rattle-snakes.

A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

- No laundry - the boy said.

- I'm going to wash my dog.

- But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

- Oh, he died - the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added:

- I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.

The boy replied:

- I don't think it was the detergent that killed him.

- Oh, What was it then?

- I think it was the spin cycle!

So, this penguin goes into a bar and says to the barman "have you seen my brother?"... and the barman says "I don't know, what does he look like?" (ba-dum-tish)

Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes?
→ In a pellet court!

What do you call a pig that took a plane?
→ Swine flu!

- SOW: Would you like a nice cake with three candles for your party?

- PIGLET: I'd rather have three cakes and one candle.

- Pigs don't look very smart to me.

- Sure, they are. You ever see a sow try to make a silk purse out of a farmer's ear?

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?
→ Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

What is the Ape monster's name?
→ Godzilla Gorilla!