Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie.

- Rabbi: What are doing here with a dog?

- Bernie: The dog came here to pray.

- Oh, come on, says the Rabbi.

- YES! says Bernie.

- Rabbi: I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not a proper thing to do in temple.

- Bernie: Its true!..

- Ok, says the Rabbi, then show me what the dog can do.

- OK, says Bernie nodding to the dog...

The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on his head) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.
When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie:

- Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinical school????

Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says:

- YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!

What did the Gorilla do when he saw the sign, 'Clean Washroom'?
→ He cleaned it!

What do dogs have that no other animal has?
→ Puppy dogs!

Which bird ran for President?
→ H. Ross Parrot

What birds spend all their time on their knees?
→ Birds of prey!

Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair. SHAVE THE WHALES!

One day there was a little puppy dog laying beside one of the rails on a railroad track.

He fell asleep, and while he was sleeping his tail ended up on the rail, and by that time a train came along and cut off his tail, he look around to see what happen and the train cut off his head.

Do you know what the moral of the story is?

Dont lose your head over a little piece of tail !!

A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses.

- Boy - said the farmer - that sure makes me want to do the same.

- Well, go ahead - said his girlfriend - It's your cow.

Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkly?
→ Because if they were small round and white, they would be aspirins.

Why did the chicken cross the road in Missouri?
→ To show the opossum it could be done.