Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

My mother says I look just like an animal when I'm in the bath - a little bear.

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
→ Spot.

How is a dog's tail like the center of a tree?
→ It's furthest from the bark!

What is the difference between a man and a carp??
→ One is a scum sucking bottom feeder, and one is a fish!!

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked:

- What are you up to there, Johhny?

- Well, my goldfish died - replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up - and I've just buried him.

The neighbour was concerned:

- That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?

Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied...:

- That's because he's inside your cat!

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.

The waiter comes and takes their drink order.

- I would like a Sprite - said the first little piggie.

- I would like a Coke - said the second little piggie.

- I want water, lots and lots of water - said the third little piggie.

The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.

- I want a nice big steak - said the first piggie.

- I would like the salad plate - said the second piggie.

- I want water, lots and lots of water - said the third little piggie.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

- I want a banana split - said the first piggie.

- I want a root beer float - said the second piggie.

- I want water, lots and lots of water - exclaimed the third little piggie.

- Pardon me for asking - said the waiter - but why have you only ordered water?

The third piggies says:

- Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!'

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
→ They have big fingers.

What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
→ "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"

Why does a rooster watch TV?
→ For hentertainment!

Why did the chicken end up in the soup?
→ Because it ran out of cluck!