Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's the difference between a duck?
→ One of it's legs is both the same. (just say it to confuse people)

Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said:

- I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy.

Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings? - replied the bull.

- They're packed with nutrients.

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!

What did King Kong say when he saw the Statue of Liberty?
→ "Are you my mother?"

Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
→ Because it was always running out of the pen.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo?
→ A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead!

What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
→ A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

What do you call a bird that lives underground?
→ A mynah bird!

What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball?
→ A bouncing baby boa.

A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says:

- Tell you what, I'll bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock.

The farmer thinks for a moment, it is a big mob and he can't see how anyone could guess correctly so he says:

- OK. You're on.

- Nine hundred and thirty two - says the man.

The farmer takes off his hat and scratches his head.

- I don't know how you did it but that's exactly right. A bet's a bet. Take any sheep.

The man picks up an animal and is about to walk off when the farmer says:

- Hang on. Bet you double or nothing that I can guess your occupation.

The man thinks:

- How would he know, he's never met me before - and says:

- Righto. You're on.

The farmer says:

- You're an auditor with a Big Four firm.

The man whistles.

- How the heck did you know that?

- Well - says the farmer.

- put my dog down and I'll tell you.

What did the parrot say on Independence Day?
→ Polly wants a firecracker!