Random joke from this category
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.
The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says:
- Do you know your monkey stole my beer.
The pianist replies:
- No, but if you hum it, I'll play it.
Why do elephants have trunks?
→ Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
What do you do when you come across an elephant?
→ Wipe it off!
Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants?
→ None of the offspring survived.
How does the male elephant find the female elephant when she's lying down in tall grass?
→ VERY attractive.
How do you know when an elephant has been screwing in you're yard?
→ The flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag!
What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
→ Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).
What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?
→ He stamped it to death and then said:
- Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?
→ Cosine (Theta) Note: Assumes |elephant| |grape| 1
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber?
→ Zero - a mountain climber is a scaler.
What do you give a seasick elephant?
→ Lots of room.
What's grey and comes in quarts?
→ An elephant.
What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
→ Swim for your life!!
Why do elephants lay on their backs?
→ To trip low flying canaries.
Why did the elephant have a yellow spot on his ass?
→ He wasn't laying on his back.
Why do elephants have Big Ears?
→ Because Noddy won't pay the ransom. (Noddy is children's storybook character)
Why don't you go into the jungle between 3 and 4 am?
→ Because the elephants are jumping from the trees.
Why are pygmies so short?
→ Because the go into the jungle between 3 and 4 am.
Whats that red stuff between elephants toes?
→ Slow pygmies.
A man went to Africa to do some game hunting. While there, he hired a young native to accompany him as his guide. Soon, a large flock of birds flew overhead and the hunter took aim.
The guide grabbed his arm and said:
- Oh, no! These are foo birds and to shoot one means terrible things will happen to you!
The man figured that was only a superstion of the natives and shot one down.
Then the rest of the flock returned and pooped all over him. He hollared at the boy:
- I must have some water right away to wash this mess off.
The boy said:
- Oh no! To wash the crap of the foo bird off means sudden death immediately!
Again the hunter ignored his advice, found water and got cleaned off.
Sure enough he dropped dead then and there. The moral of this story is:
- If the foo shits, wear it.
- Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth.
- So why did you come around then?
- Well, I saw this light at the window...!
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
→ A bird that will talk you ear off!
What has four legs and an arm?
→ A happy pit bull.
Went to lunch with a friend today to a new chicken place. We asked how they prepare their chickens.
- We just tell them they're going to die.
What happens when a frog parks illegaly?
→ It gets toad!
Bill Clinton got off his helicopter in front of the White House with a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said:
- Nice pigs, Sir!
The President replied:
- These are not pigs. They are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea.
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied:
- Nice trade, Sir!
