Random joke from this category
A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them:
- How do you like it so far?
The mouse replied:
- It's great, but can I get a pair of roller skates?
God said:
- Sure, and he gave him a pair of roller skates.
The next day God saw the cat and asked him:
- How do you like it up here so far?
and the cat replied:
- Great, I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
→ "You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours!"
How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
→ With it's sparrowchute!
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
→ 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'
A wildlife biologist is working in the woods, miles from the nearest town. He's camped alone with his dog and cat as his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small limp dog, franticly runs into his camp.
- Please, please help me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our Winnebago is parked just around the bend and we've seen you camped here. We didn't know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen all this scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?
- Sir, I'm not a vet, I'm a wildlife biologist - the young biologist told the worried man.
- Can you please just have a look at him, I'll pay you anything you need. I just need to know. If he's still alive, maybe I can rush him into town.
- Ok, put him here on the table.
The young biologist looks the limp dog over, but its plain that the dog is dead,, no pulse or signs of breathing.
- I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid poor Willie is dead.
- No, I can't believe that..... It can't be true...are you sure?
- Yes, I'm quite sure.
- I just can't believe that....
- With all this equipment, isn't there something you can do? I must be absolutely sure.
The biologist called his big yellow cat over to the table. The cat walked around the dead dog, occasionally sniffing at the carcass. He then looks up at the biologist and let out a few weak meows.
- Well, the cat say he's dead. Does that assure you?
- No, I need more than that...
- Do you have anything else?
The biologist calls over his big black dog.
The dog circles the body a few times, sniffing it every now and then. After a few moments, the dog barks at the biologist.
- Well, now the dog says he's dead. That's all I can do for you sir.
- OK, well I guess its true. I'll take him back and bury him...
- How much do I owe you?
- It'll be $650 bucks. - The biologist tells the old man.
- What?? - replied the old man.
- How can you charge that much??!!
- Well sir, I could have told you he was dead for only a dollar, but you're the one that insisted on the cat scan and the lab tests!
How did the obscene telephone caller get attacked by the Gorilla?
→ He made a mistake and dialled a preyer!
What do you call the place where parrots make films?
→ Pollywood!
What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg?
→ The bombshell!
A University had advertised for two biologists to help in their mammalogy department, specifically with a group of captive grizzly bears.
They had only two applicants - a beautiful young women biologist and an older male biologist.
The mammalogist in charge of the project knew that not everyone can handle working with such fierce creatures so he decided to test their skills with the bears. The two hopefuls followed him out to the bear pen.
He first asked the young women to show him what she could do.
She entered the cage, stripped down to her bikini, and the largest bear walked up and nuzzled her bare legs.
The astonished mammalogist then said to the old man:
- Can you do that?
- You're darn right I can - said the old man.
- just get that bear out of there first!
What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
→ A horse!
