Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed by a Gorilla jumping off a tall building?
→ Fall-adelphia!

What happened when the elephant sat on the car?
→ Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!

What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
→ In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Why was the lion-tamer fined?
→ He parked on a yellow lion!

If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast on the back of a cat and dropped it?

Two lobsters were sunbathing on the beach.

The girl lobster suggested that the boy lobster go get them an ice cream cone.

Having purchased two cones, Mr Lobster made his way back to the beach, deciding on the way to eat his ice cream. By the time he had finished the ice cream, he realized that his girlfriend's had started to melt all down his claw, so he licked it up and ended up eating it too.

When he arrived back at the beach Ms Lobster exclaimed:

- Where's my ice cream cone?

- Well - he said - I decided to eat mine, then yours melted so I ate that too.

She was incensed and cried:

- You shellfish bastard!!

- Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy crawly thing doing in my dinner?

- Oh, that one? He comes here every night.

What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line?
→ A drip dry skunk.

What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes?
→ A banana split!

Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side.

So... the one flies over and the other one swims through-which one gets to the worm first?

The one who swam, of course, because:

- Da oily boid gets da woim.