Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.

- Fetch command not available on all platforms.

- Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.

- Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.

- Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."

- Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.

- Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.

- Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.

- Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.

- Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.

- Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

- Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome

- Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...

- Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.

- SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.

- SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!

- Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.

- Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.

- Too Hard To Type With Paws.

What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?
→ How slime flies!

What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial?
→ Odour in court!

Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan?
→ He got cut off without a scent!

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun...

- Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?

- Indian: Dog no talk.

- Cowboy: Hey dog, how's it going?

- Dog: Doin' alright.

Indian: shows extreme look of shock

- Cowboy: Is this Indian your owner? (pointing at Indian)

- Dog: Yep

- Cowboy: How does he treat you?

- Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.

Indian: shows look of disbelief

- Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse?

- Indian: Horse no talk.

- Cowboy: Hey horse, how's it going?

- Horse: Cool.

Indian: extreme look of shock

- Cowboy: Is this your owner? (pointing at Indian)

- Horse: Yep.

- Cowboy: How's he treat you?

- Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.

Indian: shows total look of amazement

- Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your sheep?

- Indian: Sheep Lie!

Why did the male sheep fall off the cliff?
→ He didn't see the Ewe turn!

Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.

The second hiker says:

- What are you doing?

The first responds:

- I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it.

The second says:

- Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear?

The first guy says:

- I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!

How does a group of dolphin's make a decision?
→ Flipper coin!

What does a duck like to eat?
→ A quacker!

What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
→ A hermit crab!