Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Two robins were sitting in a tree. - I'm really hungry - said the first one.

- Me, too - said the second.

- Let's fly down and find some lunch.

They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more.

- I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree - said the first one.

- Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun - said the second.

- O.K. - said the first.

They plopped down, basking in the sun.

No sooner had they fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought... are you ready for this...

- I just love baskin' robins!

A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.

When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him:

- I am placed in the door and told when to jump.

- My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.

- But how do you know when you are going to land? - he was asked.

- I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground - he answered.

- But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground? - he was again asked.

He quickly answered:

- Oh, that's the easy part. It's when the dog's leash goes slack.

Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
→ For smoking in bed.

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion.
So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

- What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion? - asked the chief.

- Forget the damn lion! - he howled.

- Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?

Who's the aardvark's favorite female vocalist?
→ Bearbara Streis-ant!

What's the favourite flavour of sharks?
→ Shark-o-late!

What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
→ Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!

One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?

What do you call a neurotic octopus?
→ A crazy, mixed-up squid.

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?
→ A stinkasaurus!