Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you call a donkey with three legs?
→ A wonkey!

One goldfish to his tankmate:

- If there's no God, who changes the water?

Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
→ Because it was always running out of the pen.

Deep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel at the communal latrine.

- Hmmm - says the bear to the squirrel:

- Do you find that shit tends to stick to your fur?

- Yes it does - replies the squirrel.

- Great! - says the bear, and wipes his ass with the squirrel.

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
→ A little bear!

- If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them?

- Step off the merry-go-round.

What does an aardvark get when he overeats?
→ Ant-digestion!

Why did the hamster cross the road?
→ Because it was stuck in the Chicken's ass!

Once there was this guy, and he was driving in his car, and all of a sudden, he sees the Easter Bunny hopping on the road. Well, he was going too fast, and he didn't hit the brakes in time, so he hit the Easter Bunny.

He was really upset, and was thinking:

- Oh no, what about all those poor little kids?? What can I do!?

Then, a blonde drove up in her car, and asked:

- What's wrong?

- I hit the Easter Bunny!! - said the guy.

- Oh, I know what to do - said the blonde, and she went into her car, got a can, and sprayed the Easter Bunny with it.

A few minutes later, the Easter Bunny got up, hopped a little bit, turned around and waved, hopped a little, turned around and waved, and it kept doing that. When the Easter Bunny was out of sight, the guy turned to the blonde and asked:

- Wow, I'm dying to know what was in that can!!

- Oh - said the blonde.

- It was hair spray. It says, 'Spray on dead hair for permanent wave.'

A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it's his life long dream. So he buys a piece of land and goes down there. Now all he needs are the animals. So he goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning.

The clerk says:

- We don't call 'em roosters, we call 'em cocks.

- Okay - the man says.

- I'll take a cock and a rabbit for the farm.

- We pronounce it rubbit - says the clerk.

- Okay, I'll take those two things and a mule to carry them home.

- We don't call 'em mules, we call 'em asses and every time the ass stops walkin', just scratch behind his ear.

So the man walks out of the store with the three animals. He's walking home when all of a sudden the mule stops.

The man sees a lady passing by and asks:

- Can you hold my cock and rubbit while I scratch my ass?