Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What does a squid sheriff form?
→ An octoposse!

What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man?
→ Tarzan stripes forever.

How can you tell elephants love to travel?
→ They are always packing their trunk!

A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the cave's roof to get some sleep.
Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.

- OK, follow me.

He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

- Do you see that tree over there?

- YES, YES, YES!! - the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

- Well I didn't!

Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues?
→ Because he had a stinking cold!

Who won the animal race?
→ The giraffe and the aardvark were running neck and neck, but the aardvark won by a nose!

What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
→ A doyouthinkhesaurus!

A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said:

- I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?

So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.

- I think, dear - said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise - that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts.

And a voice from the door said:

- If you do that I won't go.

Which book makes prudish Gorillas blush?
→ The Naked Ape!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?