Most viewed jokes

Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
→ They are both empty from the neck up!

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked:

- when did you bag him?

The host said:

- that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife.

- What's he stuffed with - asked the visiting hunter.

- My wife.

There was this 8 year old kid who lived with his 82 year old grandma. He had been living with her for some time, and he thought, that with all the work she does, he could at least make her a cup of coffee in the morning. So he woke up early one day, and made a cup of coffee and brought it to his grandma. She took one drink of it and died instantly.

He called 911, and the paramedics rushed over there. While examining the grandma, one of the paramedics pulls out a little plastic green soldier from her throat. After the paramedic learns that the kid made her coffee and put that soldier in there, of course, the first question is "why".

The kid answered:

- Grandma always said, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'!

What do you call a woman that people sit on?
→ Cher!

What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites?
→ Don't bite any witches!

There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa.

It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed in the jungle.

A few days later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane to search for the plane and crew.

They found the wreckage, but were not able to locate the crew.

They searched the area and met with a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief nods and simply says:

- Yes...seen plane crash

When asked where the crew was, the Cheif replyed:

- We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi!

The Rescue crew was shocked. Another man asked:

- Did you eat their legs?

The chief replied:

- We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi!

Another rescuer asked:

- Did you eat their arms?

The Chief said:

- We ate their arms, and we drank the Peps!

Finally, another rescuer had to ask:

- Did you..you know...eat their...things?

The cheif says:

- NO, you idoit!... even cannibals know that...

"THINGS go better with Coke!"

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says:

- So where are you from, then?

- I'm from Ireland.

- Me too! I'll drink to that.

They both finish their pints and order two more.

- Where in Ireland are you from?

- Dublin.

- Me too! I'll drink to that.

They both finish their pints and order two more.

- Where in Dublin are you from?

- The East Side.

- The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!

They both finish their pints and order two more.

- Where on the East Side are you from?

- McDonagh Street.

- Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that.

As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him:

- That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?

- Oh, it's nothing amazing, - says the bartender.

- it's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again.

Why don't blondes double their recipes?
→ The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine.