Most viewed jokes

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?
→ Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks:

- How many people here believe in ghosts?

About 90 students raise their hands.

- Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?

About 40 students raise their hands.

- That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?

15 students raise their hands.

- That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?

3 students raise their hands.

- That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says:

- Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.

The redneck student (remember, this is Alabama) replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor says:

- Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a Ghost.

The student replies:

- Ghost?!? I thought you said 'goats!'

From Harper's Magazine:
Amount of pizza eaten each day in U.S. (acres): 75

Found on the seal of a bag of bagels:
NEW IMPROVED Made the old fashioned way

Sign in a restaurant:
"We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone."

Heard on a radio station:
What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom?
→ "He's a real fun guy [fungi]."

Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?
→ Just spell "Evian" backwards!

What has handles and flies?
→ A witch in a garbage can.

Why did the weather want privacy?
→ It was changing

How did Frankenstein's monster eat his lunch?
→ He bolted it down.

Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties?
→ Because there's lots of school spirit!

A guy walks up to his friend and says:

- why do you have 'R' and 'L' on your hands?

He replies:

- So I know which is my left and which is my right.

"Oh" says the guy "Now I know why my wife has C and A written on her panties!"

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on. The woman reporter shouted out "This just in! A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!" Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, "I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump!" The blonde responds back "That's a bet you have there!" So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said "I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin', i knew he was gonna jump off that there cliff." And the blonde says "Well, i did too! But i never would have thought that the man would do it again!"