Most viewed jokes

Where did the witch get her furniture?
→ From the ideal gnome exhibition!

There was this General-in-training, and his superioirs were asking him questions:

- What happened on June 6, 1944?

- We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!

- What was the turining point of wordl war 2?

- Battle of the bulge, sir!

- What's is the importance of May 12

The Man thought and thought:

- I don't know, sir!

The superior then said:

- Well, I'll tell your wife that you forgot her birhtday

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.

St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.

Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says:

- Here you go - and goes to leave when the forester says.

- Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?

St. Peter says:

- Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.

2 people walk into a bar. The third one ducked.

The kid ran out of the burlesque show.

The doorman grabbed him and asked what is the matter.

The kid said:

- My Mama told me if I looked at anything bad I'd turn to stone.... and I can feel it starting!

You Might Be A College Student:

- If you average 3 hours of sleep a night

- If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't

- If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week

- If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy

- If you wake up 10 minutes before class

- If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without washing them

- If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class

- If your social life consists of a date with the library

- If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room

- If you carry less than a dollar on your person

- If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class

- If you celebrate when you find a quarter

- If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over

- If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself

- If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis

- If you get more sleep in class than in your room

- If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles

- If you can sleep through your roommate's blaring stereo

- If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes

- If you get more e-mail than mail......

THEN YOU MIGHT BE A COLLEGE STUDENT!!!

The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled over to him.

- Do you have something in mind? - she asked.

- I certainly do, ma'am - the American emphatically replied - That's why I want a nice gift.

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks:

- Dad, am I pure polar bear? - The dad replies - Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.

Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks:

- Mom, am I pure polar bear? - She answers - Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear.

Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks:

- Grandmom... Grandpop... am I all polar bear? - His grandmother answers - Of course you are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?

The baby polar bears replies:

- Because I'm f****** freezing!