Most viewed jokes

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter.

He asks the man:

- Where did you get such a big lighter?

The man replies:

- See that man playing piano over there? He's a genie and he'll grant you one wish.

So the guy walks over to the genie and says:

- I wish for a million bucks.

All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says:

- That genie is a little hard of hearing isn't he.

The guy replies:

- no kidding!

- You think I asked for a 14 inch bic!

Capitalism, Socialism, and Communism have a meeting for tea at noon.

Capitalism and Communism arrive on time, but Socialism is nowhere to be found. Finally he arrives, out of breath and apologetic.

- I'm sorry - says Socialism - I was standing in line for sausage.

Capitalism says:

- What's a line?

And Communism says:

- What's a sausage?

Little Johnny has to stay at Grandma's for the weekend. Being an old school gal, bathing Little Johnny with her, Grandma sees no harm. So, there they are in the shower and Johnny points to Grandma's crotch and says:

- Grandma, what's that?!?

Grandma, somewhat shocked, quickly replies:

- That's my beaver, Johnny.

"Oh, okay." And this answer seems to appease Johnny's curiousity.

Well, Johnny returns home, and one morning, Mom is running late for work. She decides that to save time, she'd bathe Johnny with her. Off to the shower, and once again, Johnny sees something not so familiar to him.

- Mom, what's that? - asks Johnny pointing to Mom's nether regions.

Taken back, Mom says:

- Johnny, that's my beaver.

Johnny replies:

- I thought so. I think Grandma's is dead. Its tongue is hanging out and its all gray and wrinkled!

Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so bald even a wig wouldn't help!

What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends?
→ A witch with a blindfold!

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say:

- Edna, I'd like to ride in that there airplane.

And every year Edna would say:

- I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.

One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said:

- Edna, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.

Edna replied:

- Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.

The pilot overheard them and said:

- Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars.

Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Fred:

- By golly, I did everything could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

Fred replied:

- Well, I was gonna say something when Edna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.

Did you find my horse well behaved?
→ Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!

What do you call a rich frog ?
→ A golf blooded reptile !