Most viewed jokes

What do you get when you put two blondes in the freezer?
→ Frosted flakes.

The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so the blonde stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross, while a cop directed traffic. Finally, the cop blew his whistle, motioned to the crowd, and shouted:

- Okay, pedestrians!

The throng surged across Broadway -- all except the blonde, who stayed on the corner.

When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection. Half a minute later, he stopped the cars on Broadway and sent the 72nd Street traffic into motion. Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people. Tweeeeeeeet!

- Okay, pedestrians!

The crowd crossed the street, but again the blonde stayed put. She looked at her watch and tapped her foot but never budged from the sidewalk.

Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the third time, the blonde shouted across traffic:

- Yo! Officer! Isn't it about time you let the Catholics cross?

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Worse: With corrections

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says:

- Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown died'.

Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies:

- In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

What does a witch do if her broom is stolen?
→ She calls the flying squad!

What would you get if you crossed a witch with a famous movie director?
→ Steven Spellberg!

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says:

- Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona.

The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says:

- I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser.

The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says:

- I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.

He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says:

- Give me a Coke.

The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask:

- Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?

and the Guinness president replies:

- Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I.

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness', but it doesn't work.

A man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae West
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West
I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported. - Mae West
It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men. - Mae West
Men become old, but they never become good. - Oscar Wilde
A bachelor is a cagey guy and has a load of fun; he sizes all the cuties up and never Mrs. One.

Adam was created first to give him a chance to say something.

Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men?

Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women. Boys will be boys, but men are better at it.

Men are like toilets. Either vacant, engaged, or full of crap.

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Men...give them an inch...and they add it to their own.

I called my last boyfriend "Miller Lite"; tasted good, but wasn't very filling.

If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.

If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.

If they can put a man on the moon, then why can't they just put them all there.

Men are like dog turds; the older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Men piss like cheap cameras; they just aim and shoot.

Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better than they think.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

90% of the men give the other 10% a bad name.

Nowadays, the only place a single woman can find the best man is at a wedding.

PMS is something that makes a woman act once a month like a man acts EVERY DAY.

The guy who said all men are created equal never went to a nudist colony.

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.