A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor.
- Young lady - the doctor began.
- you're pregnant.
- But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.
- Well my dear - said the doctor.
- someone in that colony is cockeyed.
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her:
- Do you know what I'm doing?
- Yes - she replied - you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.
- That is right - said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
- Do you know what I'm doing now? - he asked.
- Yes - the woman said - you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer.
- Correct - replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked:
- Do you know what I'm doing now?
- Yes - she said.
- You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place.
A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.
- It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell! - said the boy.
- Oh, shit! - said the farmer.
- You've shot the wife!
The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up.
A twelve-year-old said:
- I want to be a prostitute.
The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped:
- What did you say?
The young girl shrugged:
- I said I want to be a prostitute.
- A prostitute! - the Mother Superior said.
- Oh, praise sweet Jesus! And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant.
Wise men never marry and when they marry they become otherwise.
Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy's father presents him with a new pistol.
On the other side of town, at his bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day at school, the two boys are showing each other what they got. They each liked what the other one got, so, they traded.
That night, when the Italian boy is at home, his father sees him looking at the watch.
- Where did you getta thatta watch? - asks the man. The boy explains that he and Sammy had traded. The father blows his top:
- Whatta you? Stupidda boy? Whatsa matta you!
- Somma day, you maybe gonna getta married. Then maybe somma day you gonna comma home and finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Looka atta you watch and say, 'How longa you gonna be?'
What's the one thing you can do to a Jewish girl's asshole to make her squeal with delight?
→ Give him a raise.
Do they really serve burgers in Transylvania?
→ Very rare-ly.
The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw
Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon. They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow, and were holding up the men's game.
- Don't they know they're supposed to let us play through? - asked the first man. The other man shook his head.
- I'm going to go ask them if we can play through, - said the first man, emphatically.
- Enough is enough.
He started walking over toward the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and came back, white as a ghost.
- Oh God, - he said to his friend.
- This is awful. You're going to have to ask those women if we can play through. You see, one of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress.
The other man shrugged, and said:
- No sweat.
He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, turned around and came running back to his pal. His eyes wide open, he said:
- Small world!
