Most viewed jokes

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked:

- Where did you get that?

The pig replied:

- I won her in a raffle!

What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?
→ In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out and vote.

How will history remember Bill Clinton?
→ The President after Bush.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?
→ One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate Lab.

What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?
→ "Don't hit your head on the desk."

Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President's day?
→ All pants half off.

What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common?
→ They both blew the big one several times.

What was the first thing Monica saw in government?
→ The Executive Branch.

What do Monica Lewinsky and soda pop machines have in common?
→ They both have slots which say "Insert Bill" here.

- Dad, can I ask you something?

- Sure! What about?

- You see, I'm already fourteen and... I think it's just proper that I should own one.

- And what is this 'one' you're referring to?

- Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?

- No!

- My nipples are already prominent and it catches attention.

- Nope!

- It will be just proper at my age...

- I said no way...!

- But all of my friends wear...

- Timmy! How many times shall I tell you that bras are for girls!?

OJ Simpson's website address: www dot 'o' dot 'j' dot com backslash backslash backslash escape.

10. New seats would require everyone to have the same body size.
11. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.
12. The U.S. government would get subsidies from an automaker--a first.
13. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
14. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as reliable, five times as fast, but ran on only 5% of the roads.
15. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.
16. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car 95 or CarNT - but then you would have to buy more seats.
17. Occasionally your car would die for no apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal.
18. Every time the lines on the road were repainted, you'd have to buy a new car.
19. People would get excited about the new features of Microsoft cars, forgetting that the same features had been available from other carmakers for years.

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner.

The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach.

Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance.

He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh.

He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need.

Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!"

Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes.

And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned.

Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again............

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES?

A girl gets a tattoo of Santa Claus on one thigh and a turkey on the other. She wants to show that there is something good to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

A man let out a humongous burp. Nearby, a man loudly says, "How dare you burp before my wife!" The burper replies, "Hell, I didn't even know she wanted to go first!"

The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable. The three of them decide to duck inside.

On the way in one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway.

- Jesus Christ! - he says.

Joseph says:

- Quick, Mary, write that down! It's a hell of a lot better than Clyde!

A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell...the nut has gone to heaven."