Most viewed jokes

What's yellow, wiggles and is dangerous?
→ A maggot with attitude!

What kind of bull doesn't have horns?
→ A bullfrog!

Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch.

Santa declined, saying:

- Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.

Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear.

- OH Santa, won't you please stay? - she begged.

Taking a long look, Santa sighed and delivered a not too believable:

- Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know.

Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said in the sexiest voice imaginable:

- Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?

With a very pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said very slowly:

- Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know.

And with that, he turned and left. Two minutes passed, and Santa reappeared, plopping himself down on the couch next to the beautiful girl.

- Santa! You decided to stay! - she exclaimed gleefully.

Santa grinned and said:

- Hey - hey, gotta stay. Can't get up the chimney THIS way!

What came first, the chicken or the egg?
→ I'd have to say it was the rooster!

The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else left the church.

When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice:

- Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?

- Why reverend - the young thing replied.

- All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts.

- Hmm. Well let me check - said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her tits.

After several minutes, he raised his head and said:

- I don't hear any angels singing!

- Of course not reverend - she said.

- Your not plugged in yet.

What do true rednecks do on Halloween?
→ Pump kin.

- John: I'm glad you named me John.

- Mother: Why?

- John: Because that's what all the kids at school call me.

What do chain saws and monkeys have in common?
→ They both fuck up trees!

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Damn", says the ant, "one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.

- What is the meaning of this? - the director asked.

- When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held.

- Well - the young man replied.

- in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.