Most viewed jokes

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap.

While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book.

Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says:

- Reading my book.

The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied:

- But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!

Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden:

- If you do that, I will charge you with rape.

The warden, shocked by her statement, replied:

- But I didn't even touch you.

To which the lady replied:

- Yes; but you have all the equipment!

What is the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
→ 'Hey y'all... Watch this!'

One day a boy asks his dad:

- What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?

Dad thought for a minute and said:

- Come with me.

He took his son to his mother's bedroom, where she was sleeping nude. He whispered:

- Son - see that brown soft furry patch? That is a pussy.

The boy asked:

- May I touch it to see how soft and furry it is?

- No! - replied his father.

- That might wake up the cunt.

Possible titles for Monica Lewinsky's new book

1. I Suck At My Job
2. What Really Goes Down In The White House
3. How I Blew It In Washington
4. You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President
5. Clear and Present Boner
6. Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule
7. Going Back for Gore
8. Podium Girl
9. Secret Services to the President
10. Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton
11. Deep Inside The Oval Office
12. The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions
13. She's Chief of MY Staff!
14. Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes
15. How To Beat Off the Government
16. Going Down and Moving Up
17. Members of the Presidential Cabinet
18. Me and My Big Mouth
19. How To Get Ahead in Business

Why are politicians like diapers?
→ Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.

What is a man's idea of protected sex?
→ A padded headboard.

A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing a young girl as she walked by the construction site.

She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.

Annoyed the worker yelled:

- Well you're an ugly bitch anyway!

The girl turned around and replied:

- It must be terrible when even an ugly bitch won't give you the time of day?

A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says 'I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys.' Six months later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $200 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, 'Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two hundred dollars?' The man answers, 'I had to go to Europe for six months, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?'

What do Germans use for birth control?

Their personalities!

There was a blonde and a brunette in a car. The brunette hears a siren behind them, so she asks the blonde if its lights are on. The blonde turns around and says "yes, no, yes, no....."