A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.
Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm:
- Justice prevailed.
The senior partner replied in haste:
- Appeal immediately.
What's long and hard and excites a girl when she's finally lucky enough to get on it?
→ The road to success!
Some beauty parlors do a great job.
One young man followed a young woman for twenty blocks. Then he found out it was his grandmother.
A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder. "I am so obsessed with my mother... As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up in such a state, all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast." The psychiatrist replies: "What, just one piece of toast, for a big boy like you?"
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
→ Light ale!
One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students:
- Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?
The student replied:
- Here's an orange.
The professor was livid:
- No! No! Think like a lawyer!
The student then recited:
- Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'
Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing street interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election.
- I'm not voting for any of the candidates - the first man said.
- I don't know any of them.
- I feel the same way - the second man said.
- Only I know them all.
Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear." The second nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms." The third nurse fainted.
A doctor's advice to young bride regarding the use of the diaphragm: "Use it on every conceivable occasion."
