Most viewed jokes

- Bus passenger: I'd like a ticket to New York, please.

- Ticket seller: By Buffalo?

- Bus passenger: Of course not, I'm in the bus queue, aren't I?

What did Bob Dole reply when asked if he preferred boxers or briefs?
→ Depends.

A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed. Later after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks "So, how was I?" She says "Well ... you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said:

- I give ten dollars.

Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly:

- I give a thousand dollars!

The minister said:

- Lord, hit him again!

To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat.

- I won't do it any more, Mom - says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man.

- If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?

- You'll be fatter than that - says her mother. They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl:

- Excuse me, but do you know me? And the little girl says:

- No, but I know what you've been doing...

What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
→ Hop on.

How do eels get around the seabed?
→ They go by octobus.

My dog is a nuisance.
He chases everyone on a bicycle.
What can I do?
→ Take his bike away.

How do we know that insects are so clever?
→ Because they always know when your eating outside!