A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted. "Darling, it was just a shark," assured his wife when he came to. "You've got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere."
Why are women like snow flakes??
→ They are all beautiful.
They are all different.
They can all be cold as ice.
But they'll all melt when they land on your face......
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began:
- My husband wants me to ask you...
- I know, I know. - the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
- I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.
- No, that's not it at all - Brenda confessed.
- He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.
Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his hand.
- Is THIS - she asked, pointing to the vegetable - what you've been using on me for the last 5 years?
- Honey, let me explain...
- Why, you sneaky bastard! - she screamed - You impotent son of a -
- Speaking of sneaky - her husband coolly interjected - maybe you'd like to explain our three kids.
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say:
- You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.
So the married couple walked in.
The Pakistani man said to them:
- I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man:
- How could sandals make you into a sex freak?
The Pakistani man replied:
- Just try them on.
Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years--- raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy's pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming:
- YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!
What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth?
→ An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe!
Are you a tehcnical geek?
Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes.
You know you are a tehcnical geek when . . .
- When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!"
- When driving you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.
- When you are counting objects "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
- When you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up sleeping 4 hours, and call it a "mega-nap".
- When your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her, "You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor."
- When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
- When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
- When you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve eye-hand coordination.
- When the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, and you correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.
- When floppy drive applies more to your love life, and hard drive to your machines.
- When you call "*.*" star-dot-star.
- When you can do hexadecimal arithmatic in your head.
- When your wife goes to the market for some macintosh apples, and you correct her, "No, dear, it's 'Apple Macintosh'."
- When your wife says "If you don't turn off that stupid machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
Satan was complaining bitterly to God:
- You made the world so that it was not fair, and you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes. Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my fault. Sure, I'm evil, but give me a break. Can't you do something to make them stop blaming me?
And so God created lawyers.
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."
The boss screamed:
- I warned you to stay clear of lawyers--we had $100 when we broke in!
Definition: Politics
Poli (Poly): Many....
Tic(k)s: Blood sucking creatures
