Most viewed jokes

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were asked if they would ever sleep with President Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'

A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, "How'd you like to fuck that?" To which the lawyer replied, "Out of what?"

The first Jewish woman President is elected.

She calls her Mother:

- Mama, I've won the elections, you've got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.

- I don't know, what would I wear?

- Don't worry, I'll send you a dressmaker

- But I only eat kosher food

- Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get you kosher food

- But how will I get there?

- I'll send a limo, just come mama

- Ok, Ok, if it makes you happy.

The great day comes and Mama is seated between the Supreme Court Justices and the Future Cabinet members, she nudges the gentleman on her right:

- You see that girl, the one with her hand on the Bible?... Her brother's a doctor!

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said:

- We need some four-by-twos.

The clerk said:

- You mean two-by-fours, don't you?

The man said:

- I'll go check, and went back to the truck.

He returned a minute later and said:

- Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.

- All right. How long do you need them?

The customer paused for a minute and said:

- I'd better go check.

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said:

- A long time. We're gonna build a house.

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.

Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.

"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.

"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "FUCK OFF!", the dog ate him!"

How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty?
→ The slugs leave a trail on the floor that reads "clean me"!

In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: "All the President's Women."

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote:

- How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote:

- I'm drowning, you moron!

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
→ No one to talk to during orgasm.

Why does the University of Tennesse football team wear orange to all their Saturday games?
→ So that they can wear the same outfit to go hunting on Sunday, and to work on Monday.