Most viewed jokes

How is sex like air?
→ It's no big thing unless you aren't getting any.

Is there a God?
→ A billion Hindus can't be wrong.

"My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis," mumbles an angry biker to one of his buddies. "No," says the friend, "people don't die of syphilis anymore." The angry biker replies, "They do when they give it to me!"

Did you hear about the spanish fireman who named his sone Hose A and Hose B?

- When a customer comes into the shop, be very polite to them and try to put a little poetry into it when you're talking to them.

The youth says that he does not see what the pharmacist means by this, so the pharmacist says that he should observe when the next customer comes in and watch how he or she is dealt with.

Presently a middle aged woman comes in to the shop and asks for something for a tummy bug.

The pharmacist says:

- There's a lot of that virus going about, but this pink mixture should sort you out!

- Oh thank you very much! - says the middle aged woman and she leaves the shop.

So the pharmacist says the youth can serve the next customer while he goes to tea break:

- And remember to put some poetry into it - he says.

Anyway, the youth waits around and nobody comes in, so he decides to go to the restroom. Just as he's about to nip off, a young teenage girl comes in.

- Can I help you? - he asks.

She replies very embarrassedly that she would like to buy some sanitary towels, to which the youth replies:

- Hang on Miss, I'm dying for a piss, but I'll be back in a flash, with a sash for your gash!

Why do mice need oiling?
→ Because they squeak!

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.

The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me

What's the definition of a real loser?
→ A guy who has a wet dream and gets HIV.

You know you have been on the computer too long when...

- When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

- When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

- When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for omitting the else clause.

- When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

- When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

- When you look for your homework using: "grep homework /dev/backpack"

- When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

- When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

- When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.

- When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.

- When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors....

- You're writing a homework assignment, and get the end of the line in the middle of a sentence, tack on a '', and continue writing on the next line.

Two lesbians were standing at a bar drinking when another girl waved from across the bar. "Who is that babe?" one said to the other. "I'd sure like to get her spread out on my sheets." "No you wouldn't," said the other. "She's hung like a doughnut."