Most viewed jokes

Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:

- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

- Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

- Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

- The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

- The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.

- The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.

- Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

- The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

- Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine.

Name: Bertha Belch.
Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."

- Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals."

- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.

- The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge, Now Up Yours!"

- The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

- Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the rear entrance.

- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall.

Come out and watch us kill Christ the King!

The Makers of Viagra are announcing that they have developed a pill to increase lubrication in females. The pill will be called Niagra.

The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. "Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you." The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, not Mrs." "Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing expression, "I have some bad news for you."

- Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!

- Girl: Why thank you!

- Boy: Of course, if I was on you...

I would becoming too!

What do you do in case of fallout?
→ Put it back in and take shorter strokes!

The newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee.

- Guess what I got planned for dinner? - she asked seductively.

- And don't you dare tell me you had it for lunch today.

Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.

Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

The Devil started:

- Gentlemen, Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell.

The philosopher then stepped up:

- OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings.

With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.

"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked:

- Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!

With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said:

- Bring me a chair!

The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"

The Devil inspected the seat and said:

- The third hole from the right.

- Wrong - said the idiot.

- It's from my asshole.

And the idiot went to Heaven.

A little boy went up to his father and asked:

- Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?

The father replied:

- Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine.

The company president called the chief security guard into his office. "Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don't belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop." Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I won't do it again." The company president said, "I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that." Chuck's face lit up. "Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was complaining!!!!"

There was once a wide mouth frog. She had babies and she didn't know what to feed them. She went to the cow, talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "COW, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The Cow said, "I feed my babies milk." She went on to the horse. Talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "HORSE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" "I feed my babies hay." said the horse. Finally she came to a snake. Talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "SNAKE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The snake said, "I feed my babies wide mouth frogs." So the frog said, with her mouth really small, "Oh, is that so."