Most viewed jokes

Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
→ Because they're wrigleys!

Raleigh, N.C., judge Don Overby, in several recent cases involving juvenile theft, has forced the convicted kid to go home, retrieve his own most prized possession, bring it back to Overby's courtroom, and watch while the judge smashes it up.

Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?

- He has an Adam's apple that isn't an apple

- Two calves that will never become cows

- A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere

- A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything

- Twenty nails that won't hold a board

- A chest that won't hold linen

- Two boobs that won't give milk

- Two buns that won't feed anyone

- A belly button that won't button

- Two balls that won't roll

- An ass that won't pull a plow

- An organ that won't play music

- A cock that won't crow

A man calls the fire department and says:

- Yes, I have just had my front yard landscaped, I have a nice new flower bed, a new fish pond with a fountain and a new rose garden.

- Very nice, - the firefighter says - but what does that have to do with the fire service?

- Well, - the man answers - the house next door is on fire and I don't want you to trample my front yard.

How do you make love to a fat girl?
→ Roll her in flour and go for the wet spot.

In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and couldn't bear passing her by. He completed the job for her, and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, "There, little lady, that's done!" "Quiet," she ordered him. "You'll wake up my husband. He's taking a nap in the back seat."

A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another razor:

- Why? - asked the barber.

- Is there something wrong with this one?

- I don't know. - replied the customer.

- But I would appreciate a chance to defend myself.

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked:

- May I help you?

The farmer said:

- Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's.

The attorney said:

- Well do you have any grounds?

The farmer said:

- Yea, I got about 140 acres.

The attorney said:

- No, you don't understand, do you have a case?

The farmer said:

- No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere.

The attorney said:

- No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?

The farmer said:

- Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere.

The attorney said:

- No sir, I mean do you have a suit?

The farmer said:

- Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it in church on Sundays.

The exasperated attorney said:

- Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?

The farmer said:

- No sir, we both get up about 4:30.

Finally, the attorney says:

- Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?

And the farmer says:

- Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.

How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
→ Her crayons are still sticky.

What is the last thing to go through the mind of a mosquito when it hits your windscreen?
→ It's ass.