First, we want to apologize to our Polish friends, but remember it's just a joke!
Poland's Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland.
Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him.
While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.
As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother:
- Thanks for the peanuts.
She says:
- Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em.
You've been in graphics too long if...
by Chris Thornborrow
- Most of your friends can pronounce Gouraud first time.
- When you fist heard that some people used 16 million colours you wondered whatever for and continued to write colour-map tables for correct highlights on objects.
- You remember comp.graphics when there weren't enough articles for you to read, none of them included the word PC and nobody ever asked the difference between raytracing and rendering.
- You insist that DOOM does not use raycasting. (Technically, as it was first introduced, and anyway, who plays games at your age?)
- Your partner knows the difference between scientific visualisation and photorealistic rendering, even though they wouldn't know a polygon from a camel.
- You think an SGI Indy is OK for a quick hack but not a real graphics machine.
- You remember discussing how one day there would be graphics hardware to support rendering in desktop machines and people laughed.
- You watched the Last Starfighter in an empty theatre and marvelled thinking it was even better than TRON.
- You remember thinking that parallel computers would solve your graphics problems.
- You remember when you thought X was a high level graphics language.
- You get drunk and suddenly get really excited examining the light reflected through the whisky.
- You get despondent while walking in the woods and think "I'll never be able to render this in real time."
- You once sat up all night watching your home computer calculate the mandlebrot set with 16 colours and a resolution of 200x200.
- You sat up the next night with colleagues watching your home computer calculate the mandlebrot set with 16 colours and a resolution of 200x200.
- Your address book has email entries for Benoit, James F, and Prof David R and Eric.
- You think being a computer geek is only half way there.
- You wonder how nature processes all those photons so quickly.
- When people mention the word graphics you really insist they are more accurate in their terminology.
- You get irritated by people who say, "Oh, graphics, that's a solved problem" (even if they then go on to be precise about what they mean by the term "graphics").
- You own one or more of the following: a glass sphere, a prism, more then two copies of Foley and Van Dam, a computer which cost more than your car, a computer which cost more than your house, a pet named Phong, a graphics board from a defunct supercomputer (properly framed) or a Rubics Cube (original).
You get 75% or more of these jokes.
Why is the government like a prostitute?
→ Your always getting screwed and you have to pay for it!
How does Herpes leave the hospital?
→ On crotches.
Girl woke up in the morning after a party and found an Elephant in bed beside her.
She said:
- I must have been tight last night.
The Elephant said:
- You were the first time but second time wasn't so bad.
Why did the blonde insist her partner use a condom?
→ She wanted to save a dogie bag for later.
We, the people of Florida, are holding this election hostage.
When you, the people of the U.S., promise to stop sending us your old people, we will release your election.
yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 seconds.
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked:
- Whatcha doing, Tim?
- My goldfish died - replied the boy tearfully, without looking up.
- And I've just buried him.
The neighbor was concerned:
- That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied:
- That's because he's inside your cat.
