Most viewed jokes

What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers?

1. How much money do you have?
2. Where can you get more?
3. Do you have anything you can sell?

How many lawyer jokes are there?
→ Only three. The balance are documented case histories.

There's an interesting new novel about two ex-convicts. One of them studies to become a lawyer, the other decides to go straight.

Lawyers are safe from the threat of automation taking over their professions. No one would build a robot to do nothing.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
→ When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

A furrier from the US goes to Helsinki to buy furs.

He arranges for a hooker to be sent to his room.

When they're done, he said:

- I'm afraid my Finnish isn't too good.

The hooker replied:

- Your foreplay ain't all that hot either.

A nosey neighbour remonstrated with the woman in the adjoining apartment.

- Mrs Smith, do you think it is right that a seventeen year old boy spends three hours every night in your apartment?

Mrs Smith replied:

- Its a platonic friendship. Its play for him and a tonic for me.

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.

- No thank you - she said politely - This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.

- That must be rather difficult - the man replied.

- Oh, I don't mind too much - she said - But, it has my husband pretty upset.

Why do Jews wear yarmulkes?
→ Because the little propellers cost extra!

What is the difference between a toilet and Convienience Store Clerk?

A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

Presidential Election'2000

Dear Abby,

I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. However her time there is limited, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the street, and hopefully the heroin... Abby, my problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her... Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Bush?

Signed,
Worried about my reputation

A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana.

Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, he explained:

- Used regularly, pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!

- Now wait a minute, professor - interrupted a student.

- Castration? That's absurd!

- Yes young man, it's sadly true - replied the professor smugly.

- Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!

Where do you find 60 million french jokes?
→ In France.