The little boy comes home from school and asks mom, "Where do babies come from?" Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time she replies, "From the stork of course!" The little guy thinks for a few seconds and then asks, "But mom, who fucks the stork?"
There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, 'Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.' The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us.' The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'Just follow my lead.' They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, 'Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.' The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.' The guy at the door says, 'A Doberman Pinscher?' He says, 'Yes, they're using them now, they're very good.' The guy at the door says, 'Come on in.' The guy with the Chihuahua figures, 'What the hell,' so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says, 'Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.' The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.' The guy at the door says, 'A Chihuahua?' The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?'
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
→ A gerbil shepherd dog!
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.
"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match."
The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!"
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match.
"I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
Why didnt NASA send a woman to the moon yet?
→ Because it does not need to be cleaned!
- Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?
- Sister: He thinks he's a chicken.
- Psychiatrist: How long has he been acting like a chicken?
- Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.
Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked:
- Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?
- My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one - said Bob.
- Good Lord - said David - you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here.
Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there aremany people around, giving the impression that you arevery hard pressed.
- First boy: Are you having a party for your birthday?
- Second boy: No, I'm having a witch do.
- First boy: What's a witch do?
- Second boy: She flies around on a broomstick casting spells.
10 Things Not to Say to a GirlFriend's Parents The First Time You Meet Them
