Most viewed jokes

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.

He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.

On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies.

Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"

"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".

She slides her hands further down and gasps.

"Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.

"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.

Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".

Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey? Am I hurting you?"

"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots. I need more rope!"

What is the definition of Agony?
→ A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"

Chanowski & his other Polak drinking buddy are sitting at a bar. "See those guys over there?" Chanowski says. "I'm going over there and ask them what they think of Polaks." Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Polaks. One of the men gives Chanowski the finger. The middle finger. Chanowski then walks back to his drinking buddy. "Well, what do they think of Polaks?" he asks. "We're still number one," replies Chanowski.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
→ Everyone has the same DNA.

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote:

- I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said:

- I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. and I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.

What is the best advice to give to worm?
→ Sleep late!

What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
→ Try sewing buttons on a mosquito!

Judy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time?

- Oh - sighed Judy:

- I had a wonderful time.

- I thought as much - her mother remarked:

- Your underpants are still stuck to the ceiling!

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at his apartment. He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her what she'd like to do.

She says:

- Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love to play your trombone.

So she plays it while he screws her sister.

A few weeks later, the girls are walking past the guy's apartment building. One of the girls says:

- Let's stop up and see that guy.

The other girl says:

- Gee... do you think he'd remember us?