Most viewed jokes

Why do gorillas have big noses?
→ Because they have big fingers.

What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall?
→ "Dam."

Yo mama head so big she has to step into her shirts.
Yo mama head so big it shows up on radar.

What do worms leave round their baths?
→ The scum of the earth!

Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted."

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

- Yes - said the policeman.

- the detectives want him very badly.

So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man's belt:

- Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?

Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa. After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize, to which the Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand."

A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom:

- Please be gentle... I am still a virgin.

The startled groom says:

- How can that be? You've been married twice...

The bride responds...

- Well you see it was this way: My first husband, he was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about sex. Catching her breath, she says:

- My second husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was............. Oh God, I miss him!

A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Gimme a beer." The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.

Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security

Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks:

- Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!