The Associated Press reported that the village of Sodom, Conn., disappeared, like its biblical namesake.
Though it appears on maps, the AP writer interviewed residents of Sodom Road and the Sodom Corner intersection, both hallmarks of the village of Sodom, and discovered that everyone claims now to live in North Canaan.
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:
- There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question:
- Will I be acquitted?
Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened.
- So, how did you do son? - he asked.
- You'll never believe it! - Billy said.
- I was responsible for the winning run!
- Really? How'd you do that?
- I dropped the ball.
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn't return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
- A million dollars - he answered, because I want to donate it to M.I.T.
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million.
- I want to give a million to my family - he explained, and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear:
- Three million dollars.
- Why so much more than the others? - asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied:
- If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer to Mars.
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.
She yells:
- What the hell do you guys think you are doing?
One of the Japanese men explains:
- Can't you see? We are all berry hungry.
The waitress begs the question:
- So, how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?
One of the other Japanese men replies:
- The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!
These two women went out for a night on the town and got just totally sloshed. At the end of the evening they decided to take a short cut through a cow pasture after being unable to find a ride home. They became lost so split up to try and find the road home. One of the lushes doubled back only to stumble on the other flat on her back sucking on, and playing with a cow's udders. Her friend screamed "what are you doing"? the other lush says "shut up, with all these guys here someone'll drive us home".
How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color?
→ By studying what oil spills did to seaweed.
Why is psycho-analysis so much easier for men rather than women?
→ Because when it comes time to revert to childhood, men are already there.
Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.
- It's terrible - she said.
- I haven't moved my bowels in a week.
- I see. Have you done anything about it? - asked the doctor.
- Naturally - she replied.
- I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night.
- No - the doctor said.
- I mean do you take anything?
- Naturally - she answered.
- I take a book.
This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom please." A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."
