Most viewed jokes

I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said:

- Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is... well... my wife knows nothing of my wants and needs... she's hardly ever in the mood for sex... I guess what it comes down to is that my wife just doesn't understand me at all, does yours?

I thought about it a minute or two, then said:

- I don't think so George, as a matter of fact, I don't recall her ever even mentioning your name at all.

How do you break a blonde's nose?
→ Place a dildo under a glass table!

How can you tell if a FAX was sent by a blonde?
→ It has a stamp on it.

The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, "Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

When the groom asks the best man for the ring, he turns and nervously says he doesn't have it, who then turns to the next groomsman and asks the same question, and so on until the last person turns and grabs a giant box of Cracker Jacks that contained the wedding ring.

The whole church was rolling as the best man and his co-horts had the last laugh. It was truely classic.

Dear Boss,I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.

At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.

In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.

Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds:

- I vould like some blood.

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds:

- I vould like some blood.

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds:

- I vould like some plasma.

The waitress looks up and says:

- Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?

DOUBLE VODKA A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodka." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..."

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner.

The attorney asks:

- Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?

The coroner says:

- No.

The attorney then asks:

- Did you listen for a heart beat?

- No.

- So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?

The corner, now tired of the brow beating says:

- Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

What's a definition of a gynecologist?
→ Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where most people find pleasure