Most viewed jokes

Who Pushed The Port-a-Potty

An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them.

He then asked:

- Who push port-a-potty over cliff?

Nobody answered him.

He then asked again:

- Who push port-a-potty over cliff?

Again nobody answered.

The old Indian said:

- I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish.

So the Indian asked again:

- Who push port-a-potty over cliff?

To which the littlest Indian replied:

- I push port-a-potty over cliff.

The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks:

- Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?

The old Indian replied:

- Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!

The Naive Bride

A naive young girl goes into the doctor's office. She says:

- Doc, I'm getting married and I'm a little inexperienced, so I'd like to ask you a few questions.

He says:

- All right.

She says:

- All right... what is that thing that hangs between my fiancé's legs?

The doctor says:

- That's the penis. The male organ, the penis.

She says:

- Okay. And what is that big red knob at the end?

The doctor says:

- That's the glans. The head of the penis, the glans.

She says:

- Okay. And what are those two round things, about twelve inches behind the head?

The doctor says:

- Well, lady, I don't know about your fiancé, but on me, they're the cheeks of my ass.

The Perfect Candidate

A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn't find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds:

Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is good in bed.

About a week later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door to find a man with no arms and legs on her front porch.

- I'm here about your ad - he says.

- You must be mistaken - she says.

"Let me explain," he says. "I can't beat you, I don't have any arms. And I can't run away because I don't have any legs."

"But," she asks, "How do I know you're good in bed?"

"I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Duck Wants Bread

A Duck walks into a bar.

- Duck: You got any bread?

- Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread

[After a few minutes]

- Duck: You got any bread?

- Barman: Look, we don't have any bread

[In a little while]

- Duck: You got any bread?

- Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread!

[Some time later]

- Duck: Got any bread?

- Barman: If you ask me if I've got any F*****g bread once more I'm gonna nail your F*****g bill to this bar..................

- Duck: You got any nails?

- Barman: NO!

- Duck: You got any bread?

How Far to Town

A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.

A rancher rode past.

- Say, friend - called out one of the men - how far is it to the next town?

- Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon - called back the rancher.

Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.

- How far to the next town? - the men asked him eagerly.

- Oh, a good two miles.

A nearly half hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher.

- Hey, how far's the next town?

- Not far - was the encouraging answer - only about two miles.

- Well - sighed the optimistic sergeant - thank God, we're holding our own, anyhow!

Join and See the World

Two dogfaces were digging a foxhole.

- What made you join the Army? - asked one.

- Well, I read one of the posters that said: Join the Army and see the world! And I been doin' it - a shovelful at a time.

Why Study Economics

Top reasons to study Economics:

  1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."
  2. Economists can supply it on demand.
  3. You can talk about money without every having to make any.
  4. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.
  5. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
  6. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
  7. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
  8. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
  9. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.

The Beach Lamp

There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands andkicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that islying buried in the sand. He pick it up and starts to clean it off.

All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp.

Genie:

- Man, I don't believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for 2thousand years and the first person to come along and find me is afag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can't do it. I won'teven give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will itbe.

The 2 fags are excited about getting their wish but couldn't come upwith what they wanted to wish for on such short notice.

Fag1 says:

- Could you give us just a little time to think about it? Imean one wish we need a little time.

The Genie looks down and says:

- Alright you can take as long as youwant but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I justcan't stand the sight of you two. Whenever youmake me your mind justwish for it and it will done.

At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flys off into the sky.

Well the two fags decide that they will go back to the motel room anddecide on what they will wish for. Once they got back their emotionstook over and they starting doing all that fag stuff. Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busteddown and 6 men in white sheets come in. They grab the fags and throw arope around their necks. Fag1 looks at Fag2 and says:

- You know this might be a good time useour wish.

Fag2 says:

- I already made it.

Fag1:

- What the hell did you wish for?

Fag2:

- Well, I wish that we were hung like two niggers.

Viagra Prescription

This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says:

- I'll be home in an hour.

- Perfect - she replies.

The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife? She calls him on the phone and she says:

- Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half.

The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice.

- What should I do? - he asks.

The Doctor replied:

- It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?

- Yes - the man replied.

- Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead? - said the Doctor.

The man then replied with dismay:

- But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper...