Most viewed jokes

Mariah Carey was one of the first celebrities to comment on the death of the King of Jordan. Mariah told CNN "I'm inconsolable at the present time, I was a very good friend of Jordan, he was probably the greatest basketball player this country has ever seen, we will never see his like again". When told by reporters that it was King Hussein of Jordan who had died and not Michael Jordan, Mariah was then led away by her security in a state of "confusion".

What's an insects best chat up line?
→ Pardon me, but is this stool taken!

What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
→ Cockerpoodledoo!

What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories?
→ A shaggy dogs tale!

Why do dogs run in circles?
→ Because its hard to run in squares!

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?
→ Terrier-fied!

What do you get if you cross a gun dog with a telephone?
→ A golden receiver!

What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?
→ Dingo Starr!

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?
→ The collie wobbles!

What do you call a black Eskimo dog?
→ A dusky husky!

What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog?
→ A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!

When does a dog go "moo"?
→ When it is learning a new language!

"Unlawful to Pass School Bus from Either Direction"

I guess that some people misunderstood that, because now it reads:

- Unlawful to Pass Stopped School Bus from Either Direction.

An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the VOLAR. But the culminating point of his oration was greeted with cat calls, whistles and projection of rotten eggs and an assortment of no less rotten vegetables and fruits.

A visitor asked a student:

- Why you throw tomatoes at the man and now you are applauding him?

- We want an encore. I still have some tomatoes left! - explained the student.

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

- What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?

- Throw out an anchor, sir - the student replied.

- What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?

- Throw out another anchor, sir.

- And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then? - asked the captain.

- Throw out another anchor, sir.

- Hold on - said the captain.

- Where are you getting all those anchors from?

- From the same place you're getting your storms, sir.

Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night.

"How's business?" asked the first.

"Rotten," replied the other. "Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyer hanging on to the bumper."

More gay banter...

Four men got together at a reunion. All of them had sons and they starteddiscussing them.

The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owneda factory, manufacturing furniture. Why, just the other day he gave hisbest friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.

The second man said his son was doing just as well.

He was a manager at a car sales firm. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

The third man said his was doing well too.

He was a manager at a bank.

Why,just the other day he gave his best friend a the money to buy a house.

The fourth man just shook his head. He said his son was gay and hadn't amounted to much.

But he must be doing something right because,just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari by his friends!

- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room

- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late

- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it

- A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies

- If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes

- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep

- Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old

- Super glue is forever

- McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know

- No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water

- Pool filters do not like Jello

- VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do

- Always look in the oven before you turn it on

- The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5 minute response time

- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy

- It will however make cats dizzy

- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.

She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck.

A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says:

- I see she caught you at it, too.