Most viewed jokes

What's the difference between an American student and an English student?
→ About 3000 miles!

Tad answered the Tennessee State frat house phone.

"Hi," said the voice, "this is Rollie. Come on over, we're having a real wildass party."

"Shit, Ah'd shore love to," said Tad, "but Ah got me a bad case of gonorrhea."

"Bring it along!" answered Rollie. "The way thangs is goin', mah buddies'll drink anythin'!"

'Mum, there's a man at the door collecting for the Old Folk's Home. Shall I give him Grandma?'

Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
→ Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

Dilmer, six-foot-three, two hundred eighty pounds, was thrown from his seat when the Southern Railway train he was riding derailed.

The giant teenager flew a dozen feet through the air before hitting headfirst against a steel partition. For a moment Dilmer lay dazed, rubbing his head. The conductor came by and kneeled down beside him.

"Don't move!" said the conductor. "We've called an ambulance."

"Naw," said the boy, getting to his feet. "I ain't hurt so bad. That steel wall musta broke my fall!"

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

"What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter.

"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow."

A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at "it" for three days straight.

The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else. When his bride woke up, he said, "Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?"

His bride replied, "You show me one more trick with that thing and I'm going home to mother!"

Tom and Jeni are having one of their occasional disputes of opinion. Tom took off his pants and threw them at Jeni, yelling, "Hey, woman, can you fill these pants up?"

"Of course not, you jerk. You know I can't."

"You're right. You can't. I wear the pants in this family."

So Jeni took off her panties and threw them at Tom, yelling, "Hey, jerk, can you get into these panties?"

"Hell no! They're too small and dainty!"

"And you won't either, until you change your treatment of me!"

My husband has always taken the time to make love to me in a very romantic atmosphere.

In fact, all our kids were conceived during Miller Lite commercials.

Then there was the Puerto Rican surgeon who made medical history. He performed the first appendix transplant.