Most viewed jokes

What do you call a pig who's been arrested for dangerous driving?
→ A road hog!

- Policeman: Why are you driving on the sidewalk?

- Motorist: It's too dangerous on the street.

Ten Recruits had just arrived at the training camp and were lined up for inspection.

"Hey johnson!" yelled the drill instructor, "those are the ugliest shoes i've ever seen!"

"Yes, sir," the young man answered.

"Those shoes are really really ugly, right?" hollered the D.I again.

"Yes, sir!"

"And that hair- dont they have barbershops where you came from?"

"Yes, sir," answered the recruit.

"So why didnt you get a haircut?"

"I was saving up for shoes, sir!"

Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill blonde appeared in a Rochester hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot.

The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?"

The lady replied, "My phone doesn't have an eleven!"

After having quadruplets, the mother named them... Adolph, Rudolph, Getoff, and Stayoff.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
→ Cut the rope.

- Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?

- Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!

What do rodents say when they play bingo?
→ 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!

How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy?
→ Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!

What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best?
→ Lap-top!