Most viewed jokes

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

"We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your 'ear' or whatever."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my 'ear'," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly, "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the man replied!

And then there once was the doctor who was so conceited about his looks and charm that whenever he took a woman's pulse, he subtracted 10 beats to account for her being excited near him.

At an international meeting, two surgeons were having an argument. The Indian surgeon was saying, "No no no, I am telling you it is Woomba"

The African surgeon is saying, "No Man, it is Whoooooommmmmm"

They go on like this for about 10 minutes. Up comes the English surgeon, and interrupts them. "Excuse me chaps, but I do believe that the word you are trying to say is "Womb."

After he has gone away, the African turns to the Indian and says, "I bet you he has never even seen a hippopotamus, never mind heard one fart under water!"

Jim and I have been married for two years now and we have not yet had our first husband-wife argument.

If we have a difference of any kind, and I am right, Jim nods and accepts my opinion. But what if he's right? That has not happened yet.

A man and woman were lying in bed on night and the woman said to the man, "I sure wish I had bigger tits."

The man responded by saying she should rub toilet paper all over them.

The woman looked at him and asked, "Toilet paper, what will that do?"

The man said, "I don't know, but look what it's done for your ass!"

What kind of money do snowmen use?
→ Iced lolly.

- Why were you late?

- Sorry, teacher, I overslept.

- You mean you need to sleep at home too!

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "... I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"

I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to work one day.
My secretary asked me where I got it and I told her that it was a surprise from my wife. I went home early yesterday, and there it was, on the back of a kitchen chair.

Which painter always had a very bad cold?
→ Vincent Van Cough