Most viewed jokes

What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
→ A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle!

"Now my motto in life," said the school chaplain, "is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?"

- My motto is let bygones be bygones.

- That's good. Why did you choose that?

- Then I wouldn't have to take any history classes!

What does a cat call a bowl of mice?
→ A purrfect meal!

Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge?
→ Because it turns "ice" into "mice"!

The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work.

- Motorist: When I bought this car you told me it was rust-free, but underneath it's covered with rust

- Dealer: Yes, sir. The car is rust-free. We didn't charge you for it, did we?

If you watch the way that many motorists drive you will soon reach the conclusion that the most dangerous part of a car is the nut behind the wheel.

When Bernard got fired from his last job they were really tough. They made him hand back his keys to the executive toilets, return his company credit card, give back his company car, and even give back his ulcer!

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

- Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!!!

- Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!