Most viewed jokes

This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench if from of a large pond. Across the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and say, "I could really go for an ice cream cone."

Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one."

Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down."

Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?"

Wife says, "Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles."

Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember."

Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns.

The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost?"

The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted."

The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries?!

Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down."

Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there?"

To which the wife replies, "No, it's not...look, you forgot the pickles!"

How do you tell the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at the mental hospital?
→ The patients are the ones that eventually get better and go home!

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."

The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."

"I know how to fuck, mother," the bride-to-be interrupted. "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna!"

What does a snowman eat for dinner?
→ Ice-burgers.

My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting.

She's very lovely, but is best appreciated at a distance.

How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
→ Take all the matches out first!

"Did you get your money?" ask the wife of the dentist who had just return from the delinquent patient's home.
"Not a cent," growled the dentist, "and worse than that, he insulted me, and gnashed my teeth at me!"

A police officer saw a man dressed as a cowboy in the street, complete with huge stetson hat, spurs, and six shooters.

- Excuse me, sir, who are you?

- My name's Tex, officer.

- Tex, eh? Are you from Texas?

- Nope, Louisiana.

- Louisiana? So why are you called Tex?

- Don't want to be called Louise, do I?

What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
→ Cowboom!

- Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas?

- No you can have turkey like everyone else!