Most viewed jokes

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?
→ A dependent Claus.

They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum

- Look here, doc! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!

- I am, bit by bit!

Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God!

A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery. As she lays there, a man in a white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves.

This happens a second time.

The third time this happens, she says:

- Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?

The man replies:

- Don't ask me lady. I'm just a painter!

After much soul searching and having determined the husband was infertile, the childless couple decided to try artificial insemination.

When the woman showed up at the clinic, she was told to undress from the waist down, get on the table and place her feet in the stirrups.

She was feeling rather awkward about the entire procedure when the doctor came in. Her anxiety was not diminished by the sight of him pulling down his pants!

- Wait a minute! What the hell is going on here? - yelped the woman, pulling herself into a sitting position.

- Don't you want to get pregnant? - asked the doctor.

- Well, yes, I do - answered the woman.

- Then lie back and spread 'em - replied the doctor.

- We're all out of the bottled stuff... You'll just have to settle for what's on tap!

I was twelve before I realized I could cough without having a doctor hold my balls!

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.

Shortly after he recovers from his an anesthetic, his surgeon comes in and tells him:

- Well, I've got good news and I've got bad news for you.

- Give me the bad news first, Doc. - says the patient.

- I'm afraid that we accidentally cut your balls off during surgery, son.

- Oh my god! - the patient cries, breaking into tears.

- But the good news - the doctor adds - is that we had them biopsied and you'll be relieved to know that they weren't malignant!

Why are some married men like candles?
→ Because they occasionally go out at night when they should not.

A Jehovah's Witness knocked on the front door of a home, and heard a faint, high pitched, "Come In". He tried the door and it was locked, so he went around to the back door.

He knocked again and heard again the high pitched "Come In". As he entered the kitchen a large, mean, snarling Doberman met him. As he plastered himself against the wall he called out for help. Again, he heard the "Come In".

He slid down the wall to the living room to see a parrot in cage. He said:

- For Pete's sake, is that all you can say is 'Come In'?!

The parrot laughed and said:

- Sic him!