Most viewed jokes

Our team is doing so badly that "Manager of the Month" isn't an award.
It's an appointment!

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.

Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.

Approaching again, Sandy offered:

- Would you like me to be your friend?

The girl hesitated, then said:

- Okay, looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked:

- Why are you standing here all alone?

- Because - the little girl said with great exasperation - I'm the goalie!

Why do bees have sticky hair?
→ Beacuse of the honey combs!

A magician was employed by a Shipping Line to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain owned a parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by the magician. He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech:

- He does it with a mirror

- or He's got it up his sleeve.

The magician was furious, but since the bird was a favorite with the captain and he was anxious to retain his position for future cruises, he maintained an angry silence.
One evening as the magician worked, the parrot continued to harass the unfortunate man. Sadly the ship ran into a mine which had become detached from the sea floor after a storm. The explosion tore the bow off the ship which sank within a few minutes. Amid the wreckage and the lifeboats, the magician sat on one end of a table from the first class dining room. At the other end sat the parrot, dirty and disheveled, his feathers caked with fuel oil. For some time they eyed each other malevolently saying nothing. Finally the parrot shook himself and advanced across the table. He fixed the magician with a beady eye:

- Okay, I give up - he squawked.

- What did you do with the ship?

Why did the horse miss the joust?
→ He had the knight off!

Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?
→ On their feet!

How do you raise a baby elephant?
→ With a fork lift truck!

What place of business helps dogs who have lost their tails?
→ A retail store.

How does a blonde part their hair?
→ (Action of scissoring legs apart)
→ By doing the splits.

What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
→ If either one of them end up on there back they are both f*cked.